Sunday, April 27, 2008

Side Order Of Life is still a winner!

We all know that Side Order of Life got cancelled, but did you know that it has won an award? The cast and crew found out about the award the very same day the show got cancelled. WOW! It once again brings up the question, did Lifetime Television make the right decision? Congrats! to Side Order of Life and your award. The Television Academy of Arts and Sciences Celebration presents Side Order of Life with the "Academy Honors" because of the way they aspired to uplift the human condition. The video will be played at the presentation of the award.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Current mood: tired

I think I finally get it! A while back I heard Matthew Zachary on the Stupid Cancer Show refer to cancer as the gift that keeps on giving.

Well today was my fun filled day at the doctor’s office. I had to go for a colposcopy. Sometimes being a girl SUCKS! See a colposcopy is a test that they do if they find abnormal cells in your PAP exam. Yes, lucky me. I thought I was going to die today. The pain from the biopsy was horrific. Now I’m not usually one to complain but OMG! WTF! So after the exam the doctor explained that I will need to make a follow up appointment in two weeks to go over the results and at that point I should also have an ultrasound of my ovaries, just to make sure everything is good there too.

Like that isn’t enough. I found out yesterday that I need to get another MUGA scan because my echocardiogram that I had done a few weeks ago came back with some alarming results. My oncologist put a phone call in to the cardiologist and he recommended a MUGA scan. Now my oncologist reassures me that it’s just precautionary. She feels that the echocardiogram was probably incorrect and all my other MUGA scans were normal so that is why they are recommending another MUGA scan. The MUGA scan takes a much more involved look at the heart.

I’m trying NOT to freak out, but I just wonder….
All those drugs from chemo pumped through my body. Did they do more harm than good....?

They're NOT Scars! They Are My Battle Wounds

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Current mood: At peace with myself

Being a Breast Cancer Survivor can be a difficult title to wear. Sometimes I feel very proud and other times I feel very ashamed.

The most difficult thing for me, is something I have to do daily. Taking a shower and looking at my scars is an emotional nightmare. I look at myself and wonder how am I ever going to share this with someone else. Being single and dating sucks all by itself but adding breast cancer can really suck!

I heard someone say once, that they look at their scars as battle wounds. WOW! What a great thing. I think that’s what I’m going to do….

I am a Cancer Warrior fighting my battle. And Yes! I have battle wounds.

Sure I may have two fake boobs and one major scar from hip to hip that goes across my stomach from the reconstruction. But NO!, they are not scars they are my battle wounds!

I call my port my life line. Sure I get poison through this port, but without it I wouldn’t be here, that’s what makes it my life line.

Life is what you make it and staying positive is key and sometimes putting a positive spin on a difficult situation is the way to go……

I am fighting the cancer war and sure I have battle wounds, but most importantly I am going to win! After all I am a survivor!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Three Steps Forward, One Step Behind

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Current mood: Emotionally exhausted!

Reclaiming my life after chemo has been very difficult. See I still need to go for a drug called Herceptin every 3 weeks. It is given through an IV via my port.

I have my Herceptin treatment at the same facility I had my chemo, so I feel like I’m stepping back in time… a time I would rather forget.

I hate the sight of those recliners with patients sitting in them getting poisoned. I hate the sound of the IV pump. And worse of all I hate going to the bathroom and smelling all those chemicals leaving my body.

I’ve been back to work for about a month now and getting back into the groove of things has been very difficult, but that’s a whole different blog.

I just feel like after my Herceptin treatment, I’m free. I don’t have to go back for 3 weeks. I go back to “normal” and start to live my life. And then BAM! It’s time for another treatment. Now I’m right back to where I started, back to sights and smells that trigger memories of chemo….it sucks!

I just want to reclaim my life and move on past all my chemo and its memories…..

The time will come, I started my Herceptin journey on August 28, 2007 and I only need it for a year. I know you shouldn’t wish your life away but I wish August was here already.