current mood: feeling helpless
You would think that as a Cancer Survivor I would know exactly what to say to someone who just told me they have cancer…
Not at all true! I know “not” what to say or at least what I didn’t like people to say to me.
So my My Favoritest Person in the Whole Wide World told me a few weeks ago that she has cancer. The woman I have looked up to since I was a little girl is now part of the Sisterhood of Breast Cancer.
It all started when she called and wanted to know about the BRCA gene test that I had taken back in 2007 and what the results were. She asked some other questions too and that’s when I just had to ask, “Is everything OK?” She told me she hadn’t told anyone yet, she wanted to wait for all her test results to come in but it looks like she has Breast Cancer.
My eyes welled up and I wanted to cry so bad but I knew she didn’t need to hear me cry so I held it together. I needed to be strong for her. We talked and I told her everything she needed to know about my pathology reports. She could then share them with her oncologist.
All I could think of was, how could this amazing woman who is so selfless and kind have cancer?
After our conversation, I got ready for work. I found myself crying in the shower. How could this be happening and why do I live so damn far away from home!
The guilt of moving to Florida started setting in…
See when you move away from home, it’s hard, really hard when something bad happens back home and you can’t be there.
My Auntie Judy was there for me every step of my Cancercrapnees Journey and now I can’t be there for her!
Sure we can talk on the phone and we text, yes my cool Auntie Judy texts.
I guess the only good thing about this is, at least I can help her with all those questions and fears that she has.
Will I get sick after chemo? When will my hair fall out? Etc.
So I’ve begun to pass on all my wisdom from my cancercrapness journey and she says it’s all been helpful. Every time I talk to her, she seems to be in great spirits, but then again, she’s always been my upbeat Auntie Judy. Or is she doing what I think all cancer survivors do, at least I did, you stay up beat and positive and make sure that everyone else is comfortable. You make conversations easy and crack the occasional joke to make people smile or to simply cut the tension in the room.
So she’s had her port implanted and it’s a little different than mine was but I told her what to expect and she said I nailed it.
She’s had her first chemo and once again I gave her tips and told her what to expect. She said I once again nailed it and that what I said was helpful.
I’m coming home for an already planned trip next week and I can’t wait to see her. I just want to hug her and tell her how much I love her!
I’m hoping that I can find the right words to say to her…
You know the words that I should know?