current mood: feeling helpless
You would think that as a Cancer Survivor I would know
exactly what to say to someone who just told me they have cancer…
Not at all true! I
know “not” what to say or at least what I didn’t like people to say to me.
So my My Favoritest Person in the Whole Wide World told me a
few weeks ago that she has cancer. The
woman I have looked up to since I was a little girl is now part of the
Sisterhood of Breast Cancer.
It all started when she called and wanted to know about the
BRCA gene test that I had taken back in
2007 and what the results were. She
asked some other questions too and that’s when I just had to ask, “Is
everything OK?” She told me she hadn’t
told anyone yet, she wanted to wait for all her test results to come in but it
looks like she has Breast Cancer.
My eyes welled up and I wanted to cry so bad but I knew she
didn’t need to hear me cry so I held it together. I needed to be strong for her. We talked and I told her everything she
needed to know about my pathology reports.
She could then share them with her oncologist.
All I could think of was, how could this amazing woman who
is so selfless and kind have cancer?
After our conversation, I got ready for work. I found myself crying in the shower. How could this be happening and why do I live
so damn far away from home!
The guilt of moving to Florida started setting in…
See when you move away from home, it’s hard, really hard
when something bad happens back home and you can’t be there.
My Auntie Judy was there for me every step of my
Cancercrapnees Journey and now I can’t be there for her!
Sure we can talk on the phone and we text, yes my cool
Auntie Judy texts.
I guess the only good thing about this is, at least I can
help her with all those questions and fears that she has.
Will I get sick after chemo?
When will my hair fall out? Etc.
So I’ve begun to pass on all my wisdom from my
cancercrapness journey and she says it’s all been helpful. Every time I talk to her, she seems to be in
great spirits, but then again, she’s always been my upbeat Auntie Judy. Or is she doing what I think all cancer
survivors do, at least I did, you stay up beat and positive and make sure that
everyone else is comfortable. You make conversations
easy and crack the occasional joke to make people smile or to simply cut the
tension in the room.
So she’s had her port implanted and it’s a little different
than mine was but I told her what to expect and she said I nailed it.
She’s had her first chemo and once again I gave her tips and
told her what to expect. She said I once
again nailed it and that what I said was helpful.
I’m coming home for an already planned trip next week and I
can’t wait to see her. I just want to
hug her and tell her how much I love her!
I’m hoping that I can find the right words to say to her…
You know the words that I should know?
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